LADY BUSINESS THAT IS VERY IMPORTANT!!

look at this e-mail I got from my old boss at Planned Parenthood:

Why The Stupak Amendment Is A Monumental Setback For Abortion Access

By Jessica Arons, Director of the Women’s Health and Rights Program at the Center for American Progress Action Fund.

If you thought that just because abortion is a constitutional right and part of basic reproductive health care it would be available in the reformed health insurance market known as the Exchange, think again. The Stupak Amendment, passed Saturday night by the House of Representatives after a compromise deal fell apart, potentially goes farther than any other federal law to restrict women’s access to abortion.

The claim that it only bars federal funding for abortions is simply false. Here’s what the Stupak Amendment does:

1. It effectively bans coverage for most abortions from all public and private health plans in the Exchange: In addition to prohibiting direct government funding for abortion, it also prohibits public money from being spent on any plan that covers abortion even if paid for entirely with private premiums. Therefore, no plan that covers abortion services can operate in the Exchange unless its subscribers can afford to pay 100% of their premiums with no assistance from government “affordability credits.” As the vast majority of Americans in the Exchange will need to use some of these credits, it is highly unlikely any plan will want to offer abortion coverage (unless they decide to use it as a convenient proxy to discriminate against low- and moderate-income Americans who tend to have more health care needs and incur higher costs).

2. It includes only extremely narrow exceptions: Plans in the Exchange can only cover abortions in the case of rape or incest or “where a woman suffers from a physical disorder, physical injury, or physical illness that would, as certified by a physician, place the woman in danger of death.” Given insurance companies’ dexterity in denying claims, we can predict what they’ll do with that language. Cases that are excluded: where the health but not the life of the woman is threatened by the pregnancy, severe fetal abnormalities, mental illness or anguish that will lead to suicide or self-harm, and the numerous other reasons women need to have an abortion.

3. It allows for a useless abortion “rider”: Stupak and his allies claim his Amendment doesn’t ban abortion from the Exchange because it allows plans to offer and women to purchase extra, stand-alone insurance known as a rider to cover abortion services. Hopefully the irony of this is immediately apparent: Stupak wants women to plan for a completely unexpected event.

4. It allows for discrimination against abortion providers: Previously, the health care bill included an evenhanded provision that prohibited discrimination against any health care provider or facility “because of its willingness or unwillingness to provide, pay for, provide coverage of, or refer for abortions.” Now, it only protects those who are unwilling to provide such services.

One in three women will have an abortion in their lifetime. Eighty-seven percent of employer plans offer abortion coverage. None of that will matter if the Senate takes its cues from the House. In every other way, this bill will expand access to health care. But for millions of women, they are about to lose coverage they currently have and often need.

Now, you guys know I'm pretty feminist. Kind of insecure about being a feminist, too, for some strange reason. Kind of uncomfortable about abortion. Not totally sure that unequal pay is truly caused by patriarchy, etc. etc.

I don't know what you'd call me. A radical skeptic? idk.

But this really, really pisses me off.

It's weird, too. I got that e-mail like, I don't know, four or five days ago and basically had my internal "wow that sucks" reaction but didn't really think to do anything about it. I'm all about standing up to patriarchy and I basically accepted the bill's implications about women's rights for what it was.

I TOTALLY SUBMITTED.

Then I read this: Mad Men, 'Maddening Times'

Now I admit that it makes me uncomfortable that someone's got to compare real life to TV for me to finally wake up, but really.

This is bullshit.

Everyone is a little antsy around abortion. No one likes the thought of undoing a pregnancy. Not even the whole "murder(?)" thing, not even just the whole patriarchy thing, not even, I don't know, the thought of scraping the inside of your uterus with a sharp metal instrument. It's just icky. And for a long time, I kind of put myself in the position, "Well, I believe in abortion, but it's not something I'd ever need for myself." I always kind of removed myself from the whole issue for some reason, convincing myself that if I ever was confronted with an unwanted pregnancy, I'd do the *noble* thing and have the kid.

I don't know why, but the Stupak Amendment kind of put things back into perspective for me.

My position is not a good one. I don't think it's good to support something and remove yourself from it at the same time. That article said something very insightful and very true: An abortion is not a planned event. You don't save up your money in a piggy bank in the hopes of someday getting an abortion. You don't sit at the computer for months beforehand reading up on all of the physical and psychological side effects, making detailed pro/con lists, sleep on it, etc. There is a lot of that, to a degree, but the thing about abortions is that they have shelf lives. It's not like buying a new car, where you need it really bad but you can put it off indefinitely as long as you're willing to make concessions. Like it or not, in nine months there's going to be a baby, in five at the most people know there is going to be one, and really, in less than two from the time you find out you can still legally make it be a nonthing.

No one plans to get an abortion.

It is a traumatic, horrible, soul-shattering decision. And one that, thankfully, I have never had to make. Yet. But who the fuck knows? I'm capable of a lot of dumb ass shit, a lot of which is evident in my last year's worth of entries. If I'm capable of hitting a car with my bike and doing over $1000 worth of damage, I am more than capable of doing something stupid with birth control, or even doing something smart with it and having it fail on me.

At first, I didn't know that I believed that 1/3 statistic, but why the hell not? We're organisms, we want to reproduce, every physical particle in our bodies is screaming to survive long enough to procreate. Immovable object, irresistible force kind of thing. One of them is going to buckle, and do you think it's going to be some 5 billion years of evolution, or the 10,000 or so of human ingenuity?

idk. I was just struck with the possibility today that this is not just a women's issue, this is my issue. And that amendment is bullshit. It's making something illegal by default, instead of by law. Like making pot legal but the only place that's allowed to sell it is on top of an unclimbable mountain. Financial restraints are realities. Insurance is a reality. I'm insured, and I haven't gone to the doctor in like two years just because I'm scared how much the bloodwork is going to cost. Same with the dentist. Yeah, the cleaning is covered, but what about fillings? Crowns? Root canals? All that stuff delves into the deductibles and percentages that I still feel too young to have to deal with.

So imagine this shit not being covered at all.

Insurance should equally cover people who want to have children and people who don't. It should also equally cover men who want to have sex and women who want to have sex. It currently does neither of these things. And if Uncle Sam is going to shove his nose into it, he better do it with a hell of a lot less discrimination. We're all American citizens, and last I checked I don't get a fucking tax credit for being a lady. So the government should not restrict what I'm allowed to do just because of my vagina.

Fuck the 60s. We've been keeping time for over 2000 years. It's time we start treating our citizens with the same level of regularity.

I have no self-discipline anymore.

That was like the most valuable thing I learned in college and now it's gone.

I don't even reply to comments anymore right away. I don't even keep up with the fun stuff, the stuff that's supposed to help me relax. I read them, go "I can't I'm too tired" and I let them sit in my inbox.

I'm only working like 20 hours a week because honestly, I don't care. I hate captioning, it's not fucking worth the headache/eye twitch, and there's just not that much tutoring stuff to be had. And the weird thing is, it's not a big deal. I'm still making more money than I'm spending. I'm not in debt, besides all the school shit which I'm keeping up with. What's the point?

I had this really dark epiphany the other day, like I have dreams, I have ambitions. Everyone does. Right now my dreams, I think, are lofty but realizable. I'd like to write and get paid to do so in some capacity. Despite the things I read about it, I don't find this an impossible goal. I know it's going to take a lot of rejection and some crippling blows to my self-esteem, but I know if I stick with it, something will eventually happen. Maybe not exactly what I want or planned for, but something.

But what happens then? What if I get a coloring book or a joke how-to website published? Will I be happy?

Probably not.

Ambition is endless. I'm thinking about people with crazy amounts of ambition, like the people who want to be president. Let's say, that by some combination of talent, ambition, pure dumb luck, and a receptive society, they achieve that ambition.

Are they done? No! Now, they have to BE president. And they could do it badly. They could be a lame duck. They could be mediocre, like Taft or Harrison. They'll be forever written in the annals of history, but will that be enough?

We always want more.

So why even focus on ambition as a life goal then? If it will never be achieved, why not cut out of the pointless rat race now?

And do what?

That's the hard part.

I don't know. I'm keeping up with my work even though I am doing drastically less of it. I'm still on track to be out of here by January 1st, which honestly I do believe will reverse many of these feelings of pointlessness, helplessness, hopelessness, and WHINYNESS. I had trouble doing my last screenplay coverage, even though, seriously, reading screenplays is like watching movies except all of the actors are really bad in my head.

Maybe this has to do with my dad retiring. He is so much happier now that he's out of work. But if he'd been out of work all this time, we'd have no house and I'd probably be in a foster home. Well, not now, but you know what I mean.

idk. Maybe I'll be like those hippies in Into the Wild and drive around in a VW Bus without showering for the rest of my life.

I'm posting

I have nothing to say

okay bye :)

So my dad's retirement party was tonight.

( srsly did someone spike my drink I keep wangsting )

All right, so I know I said I'd post tomorrow like...four days ago, but it was shark week and this was a particularly violent and thrashing...wide-toothed...you get the idea. My uterus was at 100% capacity which meant the rest of me was on strike. But now, before it decides to rear up again in some desperate late third act ploy, let me get all of this down!

( The conclusion to the egregious cliffhanger )

( Rodeo Drive...I did not feel like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman )

( A SURPRISE ENDING!! )

( Miscellaneous )

It was kind of scary when I could name freeways and thus cities when were we landing. And the weird part of that return flight was this couple I was sitting next to...despite my greatest efforts, we engaged in small talk and I admitted that I was trying to figure out if I wanted to move to LA, and they ended with saying like "well even if you didn't like it, it's definitely amazing that you traveled by yourself."

and I was like you know what? Small victory, but it kind of was. :)

So that was my trip. I'm sick of *blogging* but I REALLY WANT TO WRITE MY REVIEW OF PARANORMAL ACTIVITY SOON HOLY SHIT THAT MOVIE WAS AMAZING I HAVE NEVER LEFT A THEATER LITERALLY SHAKING BEFORE HOLLLY SHIT.

All right, so now I'm like all settled into LA, I've got my hotel, my money, my clothes, my belongings all figured out, I'm ready for this trip to really really start. I never really switched over to Pacific Time, which was weird but not too weird, since my return flight was at like 7:30 anyway, so I kept waking up at like 7:00 in the morning and going to bed at about 10:00, which worked pretty well for me. It was sort of weird to be nodding off before Glee was over, though, and GOD DAMN I'd forgotten that they play shows on the west coast at like a second time so you can't have this awesome opportunity to watch all the primetime stuff at 5:30. Oh well. I watched Jim and Pam get married and I kept up my Mythbusters and Cash Cab (holy shit I know I should be writing about my trip but there was this one hilarious question...the contestant was like this 65-year-old guy and the question was something like "What is the art of temporary tattoos practiced in India and Indonesia?" or somewhere I can't really remember but I was like "Oh Henna" and I was pretty dubious about this guy getting it right, but he's like "I KNOW THIS! IT'S HENTAI" AND OMGGGG I WAS DYING AND THE FACE THAT THE HOST MADE WAS JUST PRICELESS IT WAS SOMEWHERE BETWEEN D: AND :X AND OMG he must be so talented to be able to navigate a cab in Manhattan, host a game show, and react in a non-condescending way when that's an answer you get).

( My iPhone got me through this trip )

( My Warner Brothers tour )

but that was my Warner Brothers studio tour :') After that, I pretty much went back to the Citywalk and screwed around for an hour. When I got to the hotel room, SOMETHING UNEXPECTED HAPPENED!

I GOT A PHONE CALL FROM A LOS ANGELES AREA CODE!!

I THOUGHT IT WAS BRENDEN, BUT IT WASN'T!!!

to see the thrilling conclusion to this egregious cliffhanger, tune in tomorrow!

hey everyone. So I finally took my LA trip. I got back a few days ago, but just getting the four days off for the trip itself was almost impossible, and I'd requested off from Captel like two months ago. I be busy, you know? But today I finally have a day off so naturally I'm going to waste it posting in my livejournal.

( Battle with the TSA )

( America from the top )

( The most swankified place in town )

( LA Public Transit )

( The Hollywood Walk of Fame )

( Santa Monica Pier )

( The Hotel orange juice gets its own lj-cut )

More tomorrow. This entry is like a fucking novel.

Hi everybody. I'm posting a livejournal entry. And no, I don't just need an opportunity to whine, I actually have something to say today!

Though a little whining is in order: I am getting very close. Very, very close. I said I'd high-tail it out of Brookfield when I had $5000 saved.

I technically have $5500, and that doesn't count what's left after this terrible economy nibbled at my retirement fund (I know, I'm such a tool.) I mean, last month's credit card was brutal because of that fucking car insurance payment, but even after that's paid...I'm close.

I'm very, very close.

And I'm almost over my fear, too. Or at least, so frustrated with my current situation that I'm willing to introduce myself to the devil I don't know. I have no one to talk to. I have no friends here. I need to go live my life, whatever that entails.

Anyway.

Saving all of this money has had an effect on my recreational habits. I still go to movies, but I usually save them up and binge on some massive theater-hopping film festival. I haven't bought new clothes in months. I eat out when I need to, and then it's just the cheapest aorta-clogging shit I can find.

( GIRL/WOMYN POWER in contemporary literature )

Fuck, I don't know. I'm not really pissed about this, but to_be_king is right, I need to direct my frustrations at more productive outlets than yelling at John Mayer on Twitter.

So about four days ago I was at the end of my rope

running off the rails

running on fumes

whatever you want to call it

I was STRESSED OUT.

Kaplan has been giving me lots of work, which is great, because they pay well but it's gotten to the point where it's like "Oh does this fill a free hour of my day? Okay then!" I can't say no. I'm missing that gene. If the time is free, I give it away. I never think of my physical or mental stability and relaxation.

I'm just whining though, really. I do like me a day off, which I don't currently have, but I've got a few days off in a couple of weeks that I'm really looking forward to.

I have discovered a great cure for this, though. And that is oversleeping.

Like 10, 12 hours a night when I can afford it.

I think the main reason I'm doing this is that two days a week, on opposite sides of the week (Tuesday and Friday :/) I have to be up at 5:15 to go to work at 6:30.

It's killing me.

I always get really anxious about having to wake up so early the night before, so I only get like 4 hours of sleep. Then if I nap when I get home it totally throws off my rhythms. So I have to force myself to stay awake until at least 7:00 so I can just sleep the rest of the day away.

I can't do this for much longer. A month, at most. My eyelids will twitch themselves off of my face.

I'm actually really looking forward to the Autumnal Equinox so we get that extra hour in the morning. Waking up with a little bit of sunshine is infinitely better than waking up in the dark. For every...how the fuck do they measure light intensity...hold on...CANDELA. For every Candela of additional light, it's easier to get up by a factor of 10.

I need a 9-5 job that pays enough for rent, food, gas, car insurance, and health insurance. That's all I want right now. Should it really be so impossible with a college degree?

I don't know.

Why couldn't I have been 10 years older so I graduated from school in a fucking boom? On the back of a bull? I don't know. Fuck you bear. Fuck you Bush. Fuck you anyone whose potential fault this is.

The cat is sleeping.

I'm kind of just sitting here.

Katie and I were talking about how hard it would be to buy a house today. Apparently, it's not that hard. All you need is a down payment (which I have no idea how much that would be) and then your mortgage is like your rent.

I probably sound so retarded talking about all of this finance stuff. I hate that they never sat us down in high school with a class that taught this practical shit. Like, "Here is how you balance your checkbook. This is how much of your income you should devote to housing. This is how you save up to buy a car. Here are your options. Here are the consequences for each. This is what debt REALLY is. This is what bankruptcy REALLY is."

Not that I'm in danger of any of these things. I have this unnatural fear of debt. Like I went into a little for school, not a lot, by no means overwhelming. Irritating, sure, but debt is the basic reason that I've indefinitely postponed grad school.

There's just so many choices! And it's so easy to fuck up any one given step and spend a lot more money than you had to.

Anyway Katie says her friends are starting to buy houses, and all you need is a down payment, you rent out your second room which covers your mortgage, and all you're really responsible for is upkeep. That doesn't sound bad, right? And then you've got collateral for loans, you're building some credit, and oh yeah, YOU OWN A FUCKING HOUSE.

I don't know. I'm still in this mental stage where shit like that...moms and dads are supposed to buy cars and have credit cards and buy houses and take out second mortgages, not me. I can barely keep track of my allowance.

This transitional period sucks. I really just need to push myself out. Going back isn't working.

I think I lost the cable remote

And it's Sunday night :(

Sooo I think this is the longest stretch in years that I haven't updated my livejournal, and I am going to place the blame entirely on my iPhone.

Holy shit, is this the coolest toy ever.

I mean, I hate the people that use all of their vocal power of conviction just to jerk off Steve Jobs, but really...this is one amazing piece of technology. Like you remember watching Star Trek, and thinking "Boy it would be cool if holodecks, transporters, and replicators were real, but I would sure as fuck settle for those awesome tactile-controlled computers?" Well, the future is here.

( It can do anything. )

I saw two really good movies yesterday! It was a very good day because of this. Well, that and the fact that I was gone for the daily, obligatory, "what are we having for dinner" deadlocked bureaucratic debate.

( I want to move out soon :) )

so today was MY FIRST DAY OFF in like a month and boy was it fantastic.

I slept in. Only made it till 8:30, but, you know, w/e. Went to the grocery store and bought some comfort food, baked a little (like in the oven, not in the pipe), then I went to the mall.

Boy do I love the mall on weekday afternoons.

I had a couple of purposes in mind, of course. First of all, I needed quarters, since I got two new tutoring assignments (thank God) and they're both at the downtown center. So I bought Bram Stroker's Dracula (which for some reason was printed on really oblong paper in the children's section) for like $7! And the cashier humored me when I requested all of my change in quarters.

Second of all, I wanted to take the plunge and ask all of my iPhone questions.

I learned a lot.

I learned a lot THAT DID NOT DISCOURAGE ME.

Yes, the phone itself is going to cost anywhere between $50 and $300, depending on how cheap I want to be. I think I want to go for a new, 16g 3GS, because the word "refurbished" is a synonym for "deathtrap" in my mind. So I poke around the display for a while until someone finally asks me if I need help, to which I respond, "Yes."

I know this makes me sound like some misanthropic, Rain Man-esque social-phobe, but I fear and loathe salespeople. Whenever I go shopping, I usually only last long enough in a store until someone asks if I need help. I don't know what it is. It's such a strange relationship, between seller and buyer. People entering into strictly monetary contracts with each other, and playing all the social niceties just to advance that relationship. UGH SEE THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS I OVER-ANALYZE IT.

I just hate salespeople.

But I said, upfront, I wasn't buying an iPhone today and he was very nice and answered all of my questions. First, I asked about "tethering." I did not know that is what is was called until he informed me. But what's sweet about cell phones with satellite internet, at least some of them, is that you can plug them into your computer and use them as a remote internet device.

This is my biggest concern for my new phone. And now, thankfully, I know I'm taking this route.

The iPhone doesn't offer this yet, but it will in the fall. That means, when I finally move out, I have no reason to buy wireless internet for my apartment.

The $30 mandatory fee for the iPhone plan is essentially my wireless internet.

How sweet is that? If that $30 covers two bases, it's like the iPhone plan is really $45, which is only $10 more than I am paying now! And my phone can only save 50 texts, 700 contacts, and calculate tips!

This made me very, very happy.

I asked about other things. The Nike-iPod thing, which for some reason doesn't work on my iPod classic. I asked about something I heard from Marc Perton, my completely unrelated "relative," where you can stream your entire iTunes library from your home computer, so you don't actually have to use any hard drive space on the iPhone for music.

The salesman said that didn't exist, but he didn't sound sure so I will ask Marc Perton.

What else...I basically gushed about apps. I mean, that's the main reason I want to go for the iPhone instead of a blackberry or that LG one or anything. Apps are a pretty cool thing. I love that they're opensource, that anyone can make an app if they want. I love that a lot of them are free. I love what they can do. I love the potential they hold. And no other phone offers anything similar.

So yeah, I know I disparage Apple a lot, but I'm not going to lie, you guys. The iPhone is a pretty cool thing. I hope it doesn't disappoint me.

So I told him thank you and he definitely convinced me more than turning me away. I left with sweaty pits and a dry mouth, but so is life, I guess. Then I remembered something way in the back of my mind and went to Spencer's gifts.

You guys all remember I named my car Starscream, right? I'm still happy with the name. The only thing I am unhappy with is that there is no way to tell my car is secretly an evil, transforming robot.

I've gone into Hot Topic, that fucking sinkhole of "nonconformism" a bunch of times, looking for a Decepticon window cling that looks like this:



No luck. I even asked the douche bag cashier once, and she's like "ANY WINDOW CLINGS WE HAVE ARE IN THE FRONT DISPLAY CASE SORRY :(" douche bag. Whatever. I'd half-given up. But I go into Spencer's just cruising, and one of the first things I see is a messenger bag with a big, fattie Decepticon symbol right on the front.

Why had I thought Hot Topic was the only bastion of "nonconformity"? Why had I ignored this place?

I guess I thought of Hot Topic more as a misguided attempt to reign in malleable teenagers who don't fit into the Abercrombie/American Eagle mold, and Spencer's as more of a dumb gift shop. And I think I was right, but Spencer's has been adding more useful items to their stock recently. I bought some really cheap cartilage earrings with the bead in the middle there a while ago. And today I go in, and the sales lady actually TRACKS ME DOWN. Having just had a rather self-esteem boosting encounter with another salesperson, I decide to let her try to help me.

She shows me like, three different things that were vaguely like what I was looking for. And then she showed me exactly what I wanted, without even knowing it.

Not a window cling.

A magnet

I HAD FORGOTTEN YOU CAN PUT MAGNETS ON THE BODY OF YOUR CAR. Like those stupid "POW/MIA" and "breast cancer awareness" ribbons. And what she had was basically that image above. The exact thing I wanted. The exact size.

I found exactly what I was looking for.

It was a stupid $4 thing, but you know what? That's usually why I'm so averse to the idea of spending money. Whenever you do, you may only be getting like 80% or 90% of what you really, really want. Spending money is a really easy thing to fuck up. So even if it's on a stupid magnet for the body of your car, I think it should be recognized!

I think this was the most boring blog entry I've ever written.

So this schedule is about two blips from driving me stark, raving insane. I haven't done it yet, so this may just be an opportunity for me to whine, but I really think I would prefer working 12-14 hour days 5 days a week than to working any schedule 7 days a week. You need some time off. You need at least one day a week where there is no where you have to be. Not to mention the miles I wouldn't be putting on my car if I only had to drive downtown 5 days a week instead of 7.

Gahhh. So Saturday is really my only "weekend" day, because it's the only day I get to sleep in. I made it all the way to 9:00 today, lol. And I always expect to be able to relax for that extra 10 hour break I get on Saturdays, but I never do. At about 9:30 I pulled out of our driveway to go buy milk so I could have Trix and a protein shake, and my dad pulls up. "Let's go together and do big shopping," he says.

Shopping with my dad is always stressful. Shopping with men who are not gay in general is stressful. And he's the kind of prick to say things like "Oh blah blah blah hunter/gatherer society, women browse and men PINPOINT." Yeah, whatever you say, douche bag. lol I just called my dad a douche bag in my livejournal, oh well. Anyway it's even worse because the grocery store arbitrarily decides to reorganize all the aisles, so it almost overwhelmed him :(

Of course, he wasn't the really bad part. The really bad part was old people. My captioning job and summertime in Wisconsin in general is turning me into such an agist. Old people suck. You know why? Because they're almost entirely unpredictable! Half the time they're sweet, old, slightly senile people who smile kind of vaguely because they don't really know what's going on, and the other half of the time they're crochety, get-off-my-lawn misanthropes. Is this a vast overgeneralization? Yes. I will concede that when you come across an old person, there is about a 1/1000 chance they will be one of those sweet, professorial, climbing-Kilimanjaro-for-their-83rd birthday who still tell the story about how they had sex with Keith Richards at Woodstock. Were the Rolling Stones at Woodstock? I feel like I should know that. Oops they weren't. How about Carlos Santana?

Anyway, old people drive slow, take way too long at the deli counter, and don't follow traffic laws in grocery aisles. DRIVE ON THE RIGHT SIDE OF THE AISLE, JUST LIKE THE STREET. WHY IS THIS SO HARD FOR PEOPLE TO UNDERSTAND? UGH! So we finish shopping (at least we didn't forget anything this time) and now I am kind of already stressed out.

So then I played some Sonic 3 and Knuckles to calm down (there is a big entry brewing about this game, don't you worry). Then I decided to finally restock my incense reserves and go to the mall.

You know that one store in the mall, that kind of sits in the corner and mostly gets ignored? The one, that if you do acknowledge, it's usually only with the thought "how is that place still open?" That is where I buy my incense. It's called "Egyptian International Art," and mostly sells really expensive imported art, chess sets, and bearskin rugs from Northern Africa and the Mediterranean, but they're the only place I know of that sells my flavor (scent? perfume? w/e) of incense besides Hot Topic (puke), but I really hate supporting that bastion of misdirected nonconformity. So I go in there, pick out my Nag Champa, go to check out. To my surprise, there are actually other customers in there, looking at jewelry, but I get helped pretty fast.

"Oh, that's 2 for $9.99," the Egyptian shopkeeper says.

"Really? Sweet! Let me get another one!" I respond. It's normally $6.99 for one, so Adam Smith's invisible hand really gave me no choice.

"Okay, that's $10.56," he says.

"Wow, you sure know that one, don't you?" I asked as I pulled out my $20. It was a lame quip and he didn't say anything and I didn't blame him, but then he smiles and gives me $10 in change.

He ate up the tax! Like they do in Europe! I basically assaulted the $10 before he could change his mind, saying, "Wow, thank you so much!" And then I felt a little guilty, because "Oh no what if he doesn't realize we don't do sales tax like that in America..." but w/e, he works in a store, I think he would have figured it out by now.

So a $.57 gift from a stranger totally changed the outlook on my day. And I've got incense, which I need for my thinking-time, and it makes my cat smell nice, so all in all, not too shabby of a day. I really hope I can pull off this 7-day-a-week crap for 8 more days. Next Monday is the first day in 4 weeks that I'll have off, and lol that's when I'm supposed to get my period, so we'll see.

I sure do love naps.

Time to update my damn fucking livejournal.

Nothing new has happened! Ooh I saw some movies. Saw Bruno, liked it, but less than Borat. Saw Harry Potter. Liked it, but you know, these long book adaptations are never much more than clip shows from the whole season, you know? Lots of stuff I would have liked to have seen. It's really pointless getting excited for adaptations of your favorite stuff, isn't it? It's never going to be right, and you're just going to focus more on the stuff they got wrong than on the stuff they managed to nail.

Or maybe I'm just a pessimist. But we've been over this.

Work has been...exhausting. Like between both jobs I'm only working maybe 36 hours a week, but it's a 7-day schedule I've got going here. Six hours a shift at one job, between four and six at the other, but DAMN weekends are necessary just because they give you the assurance of NOT HAVING ANYTHING TO DO THAT DAY. Of course most people use them to run errands, take the kids to soccer, so lol I guess I'm just lazy and whiny.

The other thing is I only get one day a week that I don't have to be at work by 9:00 at the latest, so that's...no good.

lol what else...my sister made me take this quiz online that gave you your Dungeons and Dragon's good/evil and lawful/chaotic association. Here's a list according to the greatest internet resource since google:

Lawful Good
Neutral Good
Chaotic Good
Lawful Neutral
True Neutral
Chaotic Neutral
Lawful Evil
Neutral Evil
Chaotic Evil

And I got True Neutral

lol

According to Katie that means I am spineless and unpredictable. I don't think of myself as unpredictable. Definitely undependable. But idk, I think it's kind of interesting that on each axis I'm smack in the middle. I assign myself to nothing.

I wonder if that's my problem.

In other news, I have gotten myself into a very sticky hangnail situation on my thumbs. They are both shredded and gross and I should just leave them alone but I've had a picking tic forever. Can they medicate that? Nevermind I don't want to know.

Yesterday my dad took James and me out on the boat.

I love the boat, I really do. But being outdoors and in the sun is one of those things that can go very badly very quickly. And just when I was starting to realize that I was burning, and kind of had to pee, and was getting sort of hungry, my dad almost catches a huge fucking fish.

He loves to fish. It's his thing. If he had unlimited money and no obligations, he would just fish all day. I kind of envy him, that he knows what his love is. I don't know what I would do all day, if that were the case for me. I get so restless when I have nothing to do, and my hobbies...well, I don't know, they're not entirely fulfilling. Whatever, off track.

On track: He gets excited. Obviously. He tries to chase it down some more, which I think is stupid, because even a fucking fish is smart enough to be scared after its prey starts pulling back. But I got to drive the boat for a while, which was pretty cool.

Later, we came across this other guy that was fishing, and for some reason my dad pulls up next to him and tells him where he got his bite. "Over there, by that boat dock with the green awning. About a 36-incher."

"Oh yeah?" The other guy said. "Well, there's a biggun about mid-40s over there, by that silver awning, you know, in case you're interested"

That made me laugh a little. A) Because I do not believe that mid-40s ever existed, and B) because everything is about numbers with guys, isn't it? Salary, horsepower, bowling scores, dick size. Whoever has the highest number wins. It's so easy. I wanted to call him out on it, but I'd done that before and appeared to hurt his feelings, which makes me both a bitch and, you know. Right.

Anyway, that was yesterday. Also yesterday, I started a new ACT class, which brings me to the topic of my entry.

I've always viewed life as a perpetual obligation to cope with micro catastrophes. I think that might kind of be a dramatic name for what they really are, but bear with me. Every day, something goes wrong. Something bad happens. "I'm caught in traffic and will be late for dinner." "I fell down the stairs, but I think I'm all right." "I don't know if my credit card bill got there in time." A lot of these, thankfully, are under our direct control, and to be honest those scare me less. Blaming something on human error is a lot more comforting than blaming it on the randomness of the universe.

The thing about these micro-catastrophes is they always start off small, you know? It's always something little that has the small potential to snowball out of control. "I have high cholesterol" can turn into "Ow some pain just shot up my arm" to "Call 911" to, you know, morbidly enough, calling a funeral home. But that usually doesn't happen. Usually it's something small and you either fix it or it just goes away.

Yesterday, I had one of these. 11 people are signed up for my class. That means I needed to hand out 11 folders with all of the registration stuff. Kaplan made me two extra, just in case some people signed up at the last minute and came to take the diagnostic.

Four extra people came.

I was panicking. I didn't have a test or answer grid for them...OH WAIT I DID HAVE A TEST, I had one extra in my car for reference, but I didn't have an answer grid, and if EVERYONE came, someone was going to have to take Test 2 instead of Test 1. But they could just take the test in the test book, and I could transfer the answers downtown.

I didn't figure this out right away, and I was fucking PANICKING.

I don't deal with these micro-catastrophes very well. I am a panicker by nature. I need a low-key job with a laid-back atmosphere and low responsibility. When something really, truly goes wrong, my first instinct is to run. I'm not a very brave person.

Anyway, this happened AGAIN today at my other job, which I like precisely because it is low-key and laid-back. There is precisely ONE exciting, terrifying thing that can happen. A 911 call could accidentally get routed through us, which apparently is not supposed to happen. In this event, you are supposed to caption as normal and call a supervisor.

I got a 911 call at 6:58 this morning.

I only remember that because fuck, it was 6:58 in the morning and I was only about 20% conscious and I almost had a heart attack when the first words I had to caption were "911 Emergency response." This big red banner appears on my screen "CALL A SUPERVISOR." I TRIED, BUT THE SUPERVISOR BUTTON DIDN'T WORK I WAS FREAKING OUT. THEN I KEPT CAPTIONING BUT I WAS DISTRACTED TRYING TO TELL KATIE, WHO WAS SITTING NEXT TO ME, TO PRESS HER SUPERVISOR BUTTON and why is everything I type coming out in caps I didn't press capslock OH GOD "ARE THEY BREATHING" SOMEONE IS GOING TO DIE BECAUSE OF MY INEPTITUDE WHAT THE FUCK!!!

The call only lasted like 3 minutes, and by the last 10 seconds I figured out that the reason the supervisor button wasn't working was BECAUSE my caps lock was on (why don't function buttons work with capslock?) But Katie had pressed hers and the supevisor came about a minute after the call ended, and said "Oh well the 911 calls automatically call a supervisor, Katie what did you need?" WELL IF THAT WERE THE CASE WHY DID IT TELL ME TO PUSH IT AND WHY DIDN'T YOU COME SOONER?

I felt like I'd just almost gotten in a car crash. It was not what I was expecting. They told us in training that that never happens. IT HAPPENED. My sister was like "eh, whatever, it's not even supposed to come through here it's not your responsibility" but lol omg I felt like I was going to cry.

Anyway.

That is my theory about life. A whole bunch of nothing until something goes insanely, horribly wrong.

Or right. Maybe things sometimes go right. And maybe I am just a pessimist by nature. I don't know.

I am frustrated right now.

A bunch of boys are sitting in the kitchen/game room and talking about how womens are terrible and decide the rest of/ruin your life.

And all I want to do is go play Sonic the Hedgehog 2 with Knuckles and get the last Chaos Emerald :(

OH GREAT NOW THEY ARE BEING RACIST

UGH

Man

Man

I am just frustrated!

okay idk. POSITIVE. I got paid double time yesterday, that is very positive. I am teaching a new ACT class this week. I hope that will be positive, but we'll see. Um, what else...Bruno comes out soon? Man.

Man